role models..

so my heart has been fluttering for the past hour or so while talking to someone who said they're from my bank (their number also has the name of my bank next to the number on my phone). until i got really scared because it was taking so long to do whatever the guy claimed he was doing and i paniced and just hung up the phone. he's called me back at least three times- i didn't answer two of the times and i was on the phone with the office here asking them whether i should give him anymore information to "protect" my account- i don't think the ics worker who was working now really understood what i was telling him but then i said, "so should i just hang up and not give him anymore information?" the ics worker told me to just hang up because i shouldn't have to give him any information. knowing my luck- i've already fucked myself over considering i was told that someone stole my intentity.
i was thinking about how i told my therapist about how my sister tries to copy everything i do. she always has- even when we were younger but you'd think she'd GROW UP and realize she doesn't have to act like anyone else to look cool or smart or wtf reason she does. then i wondered why she doesn't try to copy someone else like my mom or cousin jessiy. the reason for why she doesn't look up to my mom wasn't hard to think of considering her only REAL achievements are having her kids. i'm not really sure why she doesn't look up to jessiy though- she obviously talks to her more and has more in common with her than she does with me. i say that because they both had kids pretty young- my sister was younger than jessiy but they were still teens (well- my sister was TWELVE.. great parenting led her to the decision to engage in the act of having children of course! *sarcasm* heh). could it be because copying them just seemed too easy to her and she'd actually feel more accomplished if she copied me? first of all chubs, you gotta get your damn ged. it's embarassing to me for someone to think they can pull off my identity without REALLY doing the hard work such as educating themselves to be remotely as smart as i am. you just remind me of how incredibly STUPID i would've been to just drop outta school after my car accident. so in a way i should be thanking you now that i think about it. you show me what would happen if i were to just give up all my goals and just pop a bunch of babies out. just like how mom inspires me to be NOTHING like herself as well! i tried to think of other sisters that i know of to see if they possibly have the same problems of copying the other's identity. all i can think of is terri and tammy and tiffany.. they actually get along and i'm pretty sure they have more self esteem than my sister along with intelligence.. must have something to do with their religion or something. don't get me wrong- i'm a Christian as well but they may be more stricter Christians being Catholic. i'm not sure. i can't really see any other strong differences between our situations.. other than the mom of my sister and i is a single mother and we have DIFFERENT fathers.. hm.. that MAY be it. the father of my sister and my father also beat the hell outta my mom and their father respected their mom and never laid a finger on her. my sister seems to think people will think she's smart for copying my mistakes because i managed to get outta my mistakes. i STILL experience consequences from my mistakes. i don't need some idiot to remind me of my mistakes by COPYING THEM. so i'm blocking YOU and EVERYONE CONNECTED TO YOU out of my life- so i can get some closure. i speak to my therapist a little later and i'm gonna check with her to see whether she thinks this is a wise decision but i'm pretty sure she'll agree with me as long as i'm more comfortable. plus- my sister didn't really copy me all the way- she took the easy, stupid way and tried to catch a ride to floridumb. i don't care if she did make it there- DID SHE TAKE HER OWN CAR TO THE AIRPORT AND LEAVE IT PARKED THERE IN THE PARKING RAMPS WITH A ROUND-TRIP TICKET TO NEW YORK TOO?! DID SHE MEET SOME GUY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PERSON AND GET INTO A CAR ACCIDENT WITH HIM DRIVING DRUNK? DID SHE GET A TBI, LOSE HER ABILITY TO DO EVERYTHING, THEN SLOWLY GAIN IT BACK THROUGH LOTS OF REHABILITATION? DID SHE HAVE A FEW SEIZURES BECAUSE OF HER DECISION TO GO TO NEW YORK?! WAS SHE IN A COMA FOR 6 MONTHS ALSO? right. i didn't think so. before you try to act like me.. THINK. your fat ass couldn't tie my shoes.